Does Facebook + Relationships = Trouble? (Part 1)
April 29, 2008
A few weeks ago I experimented with putting my relationship status on facebook. No I didn’t dip my toe in the water by chosing “no longer single” Nor did I adopt to the half-arse option of “its complicated” I went far beyond that. Yeah I pushed the envelope, and declared that I am seeing “Henry” and allowed others to see Henry’s picture. Yes, I had taken a big step and announced to the entire virtual world that I was seeing someone who made my heart skip a beat. Now this was a risky move, especially considering my usual modus operandi of discreetly dating and not letting anyone (not even close friends) know anything about my dating life. After the posting of my relationship with henry on my webpage, a good friend of mine who I have known since our training bra days emailed me and said “wow this is not like you to post a relationship status on facebook, you must really like this dude”. She was right, I had done a 360 and shared my relationship status with the entire community of facebookers. Despite my intentions, sharing my joy with the online community had a few unintended consequences.
After the status posting, I started to receive “drive-by texts” from ex-boyfriends. You know, the “hey haven’t heard from you in awhile just dropping a line to say hi” texts. Maybe I am reading too much into it, but it appears a bit to much of a coincidence that I got those texts and calls after posting my relationship status. I promptly ignored any message from an ex-boyfriend/ former fling / any man who picked up the dinner tab more than once. These situations were pretty black and white. But one situation was a bit more in the grey zone.
A male friend of mine, lets call him Chris, who is a friend of mine on facebook, and in real life, (imagine that) sent me a text message a few days after my relationship update saying “Are you seeing anyone right now?” (So in full disclosure, Chris and I never dated, never kissed, and never even thought about being anything more than friends) that said, his question seemed a bit out of left field because we also never talked about what was going on in our respective love lives. Now its important to understand that when I am confused by something in my personal life, I ignore it. I know, not the best method, but hey,I took to inaction. A few days later Chris followed up by asking me the same question again. Chris mentioned that he saw my facebook update and wanted to know if I was seeing anyone. Now I was really baffled, if Chris saw my status then why did he ask me if I was seeing anyone? I mean didn’t he already have the answer to his question?
Now I don’t know why Chris suddenly became intrigued with my relationship status. To this day I can’t fully grasp why he felt he needed me to confirm my relationship status to him directly, I mean it’s not like some Trojan horse virus overtook my facebook page and made up my relationship status and added Henry’s picture. Somehow though, Chris’ constant search for confirmation did peak my curiosity. Why was he so pressed to confirm this fact with me? Southern Fried Chick and Happy Chick advised me to ignore his text messages. Now I respect their thoughts, (gotta love your girls insight!)but I am now soliciting your help! How should I respond to Chris’ text which poses a question to which he already knows the answer?
Should I:
a)Call Chris and tell him that “facebook don’t lie”
b)text Chris to inform him that I am seeing someone
c) tell Chris I am seeing Henry
d)Continue to ignore Chris’ text messages?
And more importantly, why is Chris even doing this? Men can be very confusing and I guess Chris is no different.
Seeking your advice,
CHICK-let
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1.
Slick | April 29, 2008 at 3:10 pm
Chick-let
I would suggest you tell Chris you are seeing Henry, the guy that you explicitly stated you were seeing on your facebook page. Maybe Chris is realizing he lost his opportunity and trying his best to get another one. Also….most men are competitive and it says a lot when a woman puts her man’s identity out there like that, especially if she doesn’t normally do things that way, it shows that Henry obviously has done something everyone else couldn’t do. Once you let Chris know that you are seeing Henry and that you have no intentions of losing what you have with him, Chris should leave you alone.
Slick
2.
Diesel | April 29, 2008 at 8:20 pm
Where to begin? Let me start by first saying that I’m a single 29 yr old male.
So I get to work today and get hit with an IM from a good friend of mine (female) who says she needs a male opinion on a website. She sends me the link and the first thing I see is the title (Does Facebook + Relationships = Trouble?) I give her a quick “lol” although i wasn’t really laughing out loud and explained to her that I had JUST had a conversation about putting one’s “relationship” status on facebook.
In a nutshell .. i think it is super lame! I mean come on … only in the virtual world have people all of a sudden felt the need to reveal the most intimate details of their personal life. One of things I want know is whether or not you asked your partner if it’s cool to put that type of information up there? I mean maybe they have a different idea of your level of involvement. How ishtty would it be to put “in a relationship” with only to find that your partner is stuck on “single” (or worse yet “in a relationship” with someone else). Let me set one thing straight too … this isn’t about infidelity or trying to keep a chick on the side … this is just about the whole world needing to know your relationship status at the click of a button.
Now I CAN say this … for those that are married ..egggghhhhh .. maaaaybe it makes sense. I mean a marriage is supposed to be a true permanent union. We also put it on blast in the real world with wedding rings, flashy ceremonies, and such. So why not portray that union in the virtual world. But for simple boyfriend/girlfriend dating relationships? gimme a f—king break. Let’s do some research. I guarantee you out of every 10 “in a relationship” statuses you see floating around on facebook .. 9 of them will be back to “single” in less than 2 months. What’s the point? Why broadcast your relationship status let alone who it’s with.
On a personal note, let’s say it’s a lovely lady that I might have interest in at some point? (assuming her “in a relationship” does indeed turn to single) … I mean .. now I have to have the mental picture of the guy that she was seeing before I went out with her. TOO MUCH INFORMATION.
While we’re at it .. why not add the following categories on facebook?
“just slept with”
“had oral sex with”
“had a threesome with”
“took a naked shower with”
“played tonsil hockey with”
Just my $0.02. Not to say I’m afraid of love and relationships because I’ve been there and I’m working on it again. But to broadcast it on facebook with links to picture pages and such is utter nonsense.
Oh and to answer the original question about whether or not to tell Chris about Henry … come on now. It’s clear he just needs to hear it come out of your mouth to open up the conversation so you might as well just go ahead and confirm with him verbally what you’ve already expressed in your virtual life called Facebook.
Diesel
3.
Jen | April 30, 2008 at 1:12 pm
You should tell Chris you are seeing someone. You don’t have to say it’s Henry unless you feel the need. Would Chris even know who Henry is?? By ignoring Chris you might be making him think that facebook is lying because FACEBOOK DOES LIE! Plus, if you’ve already told it to the “facebook world” why not confirm it to your friend??
4.
Johnny | April 30, 2008 at 5:02 pm
Men need positive, 100% confirmation when we suspect that we may or may have a shot. He may have long wanted to “get at you”, but he truly feels threatened now that he thinks you may be in a relationship…so he’s gotta ask you straight up.
Of course he knows you’re in a relationship. He’s trying to gauge how serious it is…and if he can woo you from this guy.
Because Henry is a friend that you haven’t gone there with, simply answer the question. “Yes, I’m dating Henry. He’s a nice guy. He’s on my Facebook page, too.” Then, keep it moving. Honestly, feel flattered about the newfound attention, but if you’re focused on Henry then these other guys taking one last swing shouldn’t even matter one bit.