Does Facebook + Relationships = Trouble? (Part 1)

A few weeks ago I experimented with putting my relationship status on facebook. No I didn’t dip my toe in the water by chosing “no longer single” Nor did I adopt to the half-arse option of “its complicated” I went far beyond that. Yeah I pushed the envelope, and declared that I am seeing “Henry” and allowed others to see Henry’s picture. Yes, I had taken a big step and announced to the entire virtual world that I was seeing someone who made my heart skip a beat. Now this was a risky move, especially considering my usual modus operandi of discreetly dating and not letting anyone (not even close friends) know anything about my dating life. After the posting of my relationship with henry on my webpage, a good friend of mine who I have known since our training bra days emailed me and said “wow this is not like you to post a relationship status on facebook, you must really like this dude”. She was right, I had done a 360 and shared my relationship status with the entire community of facebookers. Despite my intentions, sharing my joy with the online community had a few unintended consequences.

After the status posting, I started to receive “drive-by texts” from ex-boyfriends. You know, the “hey haven’t heard from you in awhile just dropping a line to say hi” texts. Maybe I am reading too much into it, but it appears a bit to much of a coincidence that I got those texts and calls after posting my relationship status. I promptly ignored any message from an ex-boyfriend/ former fling / any man who picked up the dinner tab more than once. These situations were pretty black and white. But one situation was a bit more in the grey zone.

A male friend of mine, lets call him Chris, who is a friend of mine on facebook, and in real life, (imagine that) sent me a text message a few days after my relationship update saying “Are you seeing anyone right now?” (So in full disclosure, Chris and I never dated, never kissed, and never even thought about being anything more than friends) that said, his question seemed a bit out of left field because we also never talked about what was going on in our respective love lives. Now its important to understand that when I am confused by something in my personal life, I ignore it. I know, not the best method, but hey,I took to inaction. A few days later Chris followed up by asking me the same question again. Chris mentioned that he saw my facebook update and wanted to know if I was seeing anyone. Now I was really baffled, if Chris saw my status then why did he ask me if I was seeing anyone? I mean didn’t he already have the answer to his question?

Now I don’t know why Chris suddenly became intrigued with my relationship status. To this day I can’t fully grasp why he felt he needed me to confirm my relationship status to him directly, I mean it’s not like some Trojan horse virus overtook my facebook page and made up my relationship status and added Henry’s picture.  Somehow though, Chris’ constant search for confirmation did peak my curiosity. Why was he so pressed to confirm this fact with me? Southern Fried Chick and Happy Chick advised me to ignore his text messages. Now I respect their thoughts, (gotta love your girls insight!)but I am now soliciting your help! How should I respond to Chris’ text which poses a question to which he already knows the answer?

Should I:

a)Call Chris and tell him that “facebook don’t lie”

b)text Chris to inform him that I am seeing someone

c) tell Chris I am seeing Henry

d)Continue to ignore Chris’ text messages?

And more importantly, why is Chris even doing this? Men can be very confusing and I guess Chris is no different.

Seeking your advice,

CHICK-let

Dating…

I’m not a very good dater.  I tend to be an all or nothing type person so I find that period of limbo between the first few dates and when you have the “what are we” talk to be uncomfortable.  I either want to accept that we’re just friends who go out occasionally or know that we’re in a relationship, period.  I dislike limbo.  I recently started dating someone and ran into an acquaintance of mine.  I introduced my date to my acquaintance and we all chatted for a moment before heading off on our own separate ways.  The next day, I ran into the same acquaintance again and she asked if the man she met was my boyfriend.  Now, although we’ve both agreed that we’re dating exclusively and all is going really well in the relationship, we’re still dating.  So, I responded that we’re dating. 

 

I know that I’m not supposed to care about titles right?  I should just care about the fact that something feels very different about this person and this relationship.  I should focus on the fact that we have a great time together, share similar values and goals in life, and that we both are committed to seeing where this relationship goes.  My recent experience with men is that they are absolutely non-committal, even about something as simple as plans for the upcoming weekend.  We’re actually making plans for events that will occur 5 months from now!  Our families and friends know about each other and we’re in the process of meeting those close to us in life.  He is supportive, caring, and makes me laugh.  Should I care about the title?  I have a girlfriend that used to refuse to use the word boyfriend.  She called her now-husband my “friend” until the day he proposed.  Does it matter?  What do you think?

 

~HappyCHICK J