Respect my Authority!
April 22, 2008 at 2:53 pm sdlee 4 comments
I walked into the room, armed with my notes and agenda. As a new manager, I was determined to be extremely prepared. I had attended way too many useless meetings in my career and refused to waste my employee’s time. I entered the small room where we would gather for our meeting and waited for my eight direct reports to show up. I tried to remember that I wanted to come across as in control but not forceful, knowledgeable but not all-knowing, flexible but stern. With my back to the table, I jotted notes and agenda on the white board as three of my employees entered the room. They were extremely early, which I appreciated. We exchanged pleasantries and I continued to write on the board. As they sat quietly, he broke the silence.
Him: “CHICK-let what kind of jeans of those?”
Me: Silence. i was ready for questions on the action plan, the due dates and best practices, i was not prepared for questions on the brand of my jeans. I had no idea what to say.
Him: “I have seen a few women wearing those jeans and I am not familiar with them, what type of jeans are those?”
ME: ”Um, okay, well I don’t know if they make mens jeans but they are Joe’s Jeans, it’s the honey cut, they are made for women who…”
Him: “Oh thanks, I was asking because I saw the logo, I mean its not like I am looking at your butt or anything but I just wanted to know what type of jeans those are”
In true male fashion, his two comrades that he came into the room with began to chuckle. I could feel my eyes turning red and I could definitely feel myself about to read and re-enact the riot act on him. First of all, as any woman can tell you, the only way to recognize Joe’s Jeans is by the double JJ on the butt. so clearly his inquisitive nature was the result of him looking at my backside. somehow this man has no filter and decided to pose that question aloud, I took for granted that everyone’s parents taught them about thoughts to keep inside your head versus things to say aloud.
Furthermore, how dare he have the nerve to pose such an inappropriate question and then followup with such a ridiculous justification! I am not his personal shopper, I am his manager. WTF! With one thoughtless comment, he undermined my credibility as a manager. And I KNOW he knew better, he is a former investment banker, you mean they don’t teach bankers that some comments are inappropriate? To make matters worse, he tried to pretend he wasn’t checking me out. I mean cmon, Joes Jeans logo is on the butt, not on the ankles or knee caps.
Okay so maybe it was my fault for wearing my favorite jeans to the meeting but that’s the culture here, everyone wears jeans and the dress code is extremely casual. Besides, who wants to wear mom jeans in 2008? As i tried to think of a response, thankfully, the other employees came into the room.
I learned one lesson from that interaction, don’t wear logo jeans to a meeting. From now on I am only wearing nondescript jeans with no logo nor brand nor design on the backside. That’s right if I have to be taken seriously as a manager then fine I wont wear anymore more seven jeans, no more Joe’s Jeans, no more True Religion. From here on out its straight H&M jeans with no logos!
So I sat down for the rest of the meeting, I couldn’t bring myself to continue writing on the board and turn my backside to them. As I started the meeting, I glanced in his direction and tried to think of a way to deal with this arrogant former-banker who had undermined my authority by indirectly referencing my body parts in front of male colleagues.
Seeing him smile at his two comrades, I knew that it would be a long six months, and I was already looking forward to the end of this project and not having to work with this jerk.
-CHICKlet
1.
Meg | April 22, 2008 at 4:37 pm
I think work attire is a sexist situation from the beginning….do you think a man actually gets up and says, ‘ok, well I better dumb down this outfit because I just look too fine for the office in this suit.’…no way, but women on the other hand have to carefully craft their looks for work to look sophisticated, not too pretty or god forbid sexy…..all in all for the reason that it may distract men or call attention to the wrong thing. Men are idiots that way, maybe society should be more concerned about the fact that even the most professional business man can potentially be so distracted by what a female is wearing that is can cause their work to suffer…I mean PLEASE…we are always punished for their shortcomings! I say, be proud that you still ‘got it!’ and don’t make any apologies for looking good….he should be proud to have an attractive and confident lady with good taste in clothes managing things!
2.
MARRIEDChick | April 25, 2008 at 1:03 pm
I must say, I don’t think your employee undermined your authority as a manager. He gave you an opportunity to make it very clear what type of manager you are. This was a chance to put him (and anyone who is stupid enough to make comments like him) in his place; and let’s face it, this will not be the last time you’ll encounter such inane comments at work. If you’re not comfortable saying “that was an inappropriate question” you can make your point in a lighter way, like saying “I’m sorry, the Spring Fashion meeting is tomorrow – we’ll discuss then” and move on without another comment.
If your jeans were work appropriate (which I’m assuming they were) his comments were inexcusable and frankly worthy of having a side conversation about. And about you changing your jeans? Are you going to change your behavior every time someone makes a comment about you? It would really set the wrong tone (as a manager) if you did. Why would you let your employee manage your behavior? Your jeans are not what need to be changed in this situation; it’s your reaction to an unprofessional employee. Wear the jeans. Check the dumb-ass!
3.
Slick | April 29, 2008 at 3:45 pm
I agree with Married chick. I think you let his statements disarm you instead of showing that you were the authority in the room. You should have checked is ass on the spot. As far as changing your jeans, or wardrobe for that matter, you shouldn’t change for anybody…how you dress is who you are, it is how you represent yourself, don’t let anyone else’s action dictate how you represent yourself. Next time, let em have it!!!
4.
proper attire required | May 5, 2008 at 4:44 pm
Not sure if jeans are ever appropriate in a professional setting but I trust that you know whether thats inconsequential or not… I dont agree with Slick so much because how you carry yourself and what you wear may be who you are but that doesnt mean thats how people percieve you. I can wear a diashiki to work and while I may be pro-black others may see me as being anti-everyone else. Jeans are great for Saturday afternoon farmers’ markets… then again, I’m old school
As a man, I believe that we (While I walk light speaking on behalf of all men) know what we can say and to whom. There are women that I respect and honor for who they are and what they contribute and then there are women that I simply respect because they are women. Unfortunately the latter group doesnt always receive the most thoughtful comments and questions. Are you that woman that commands and demands that level of quality interaction?