He’s Just Not That Into You…

I remember the day that this book made it to the holy land of all writers – The Oprah Winfrey Show.  I watched in rapt attention and promptly went out to Borders and bought 3 copies.  One for myself, and a few copies for girlfriends that I knew needed to hear the same message.  For those of you that missed the explosive popularity of this book in late 2004 into early 2005, allow me to recap.  Basically, this book de-bunked the many myths that women have built up in their minds explaining why her guy isn’t acting right.  A sample of these excuses, often perpetuated by well-meaning friends, include he’s scared of being hurt, or he has a difficult time with commitment, or work must be really busy, he’ll call when he has a moment.  All garbage says the book.  The true answer is, very simply, he’s just not that into you.  Because if he was, he would want to spend time with you, call when he says he’s going to and just generally act right.

 

For me, this book allowed me to free countless hours spent dissecting my relationships and those of my friends.  The answer to all our random musings was simple – he’s just not that into you!  How freeing!  So, I began to look at all my romantic relationships with a new lens and disentangled myself from those that clearly weren’t going anywhere.  And, I set off to meet the man that was right for me.  So, can anyone tell me why, after you tell these men, who clearly have lukewarm feelings for me, that we should just end whatever this is and move on, won’t move on? 

 

A few years ago, I started seeing this man, let’s call him John.  John lived in a different city from me, we met at a conference, spent most of the conference getting to know each other and began speaking on the phone daily once we both returned to our home cities.  During these conversations, John would tell me how he couldn’t wait to see me again – I planned to travel to visit him a few weeks later.  We had a great weekend, continued to speak almost daily after the visit but we didn’t seem to be progressing towards anything.  So, I did what the book told me and asked what was happening with us.  He started stammering about how he had been really hurt in the past and wasn’t sure about blah, blah – whatever.  I told him that was okay, I understood, and promptly moved on.  So why, does this man, continue to call me to this day and as recently as two weeks ago asked if he could come visit.  Are you joking?  Not once has he expressed even the remotest desire to be in a relationship with me and he still wants to come up and visit?  He thinks we’re friends!  Fellas, let me tell you this – if you can’t tell your “friend” about your date last night, she’s not your friend.  This is partly my fault as I do entertain the calls but it really puzzles me.  Why call?  You don’t like me in that way, we’re not friends, and I have rebuffed every attempt you’ve made to see me in the last year. 

 

There are a few men who fall into this category for me.  I certainly need to spend time figuring out why I entertain the conversations as I clearly am getting something out of it.  But my question for the authors remains…if someone is just not that into you, why do they hang around?  Are they also passing the time as I am, hoping something better comes along?  Does the time I spend entertaining these conversations block me from meeting the person I’m supposed to be with?  Time will tell…

 

~Happy CHICK