Where am I??

Singleness is freedom.  I can come and go as I choose, stay out as late as I want, travel as often as I want, eat dinner when I want, spend as much money as I want and never feel the obligation to tell someone where I am at all times.  Two days ago, I told my best friend, who is the mother of a 20 month old and 5 months pregnant with her second that I was planning a 30^th birthday party in Las Vegas.  Since she will be 8 months pregnant and unable to attend, she immediately turned to her son and told him to hurry up and grow up already.  I am currently in my second year of Business School incurring more debt by the hour but you know what?  I am loving nearly every moment of it.  In the last two years, I have been on four continents and have two trips left to take before I graduate.  I have friends from all over the world and in August, will start a job that I am incredibly excited about.  Not bad for a sad sap single woman! 

 

Sadly, my embrace of all things single is not an opinion shared by many these days when there is an entire industry built around how to find a man, how to attract a man, how to date a man, how to get him to propose, etc, etc.  Recently, a friend forwarded me an article that has been circulating among groups of professional women in NYC and has recently found its way onto my Business School campus urging 30-something professional women who happen to still find themselves single to settle.  Are you joking?

 

Don’t get me wrong.  My parents have been married for almost 38 years and I fully believe in the institution of marriage.  I further believe that I, approaching the eve of my 30^th birthday, will get married and desire to do so.  I also believe that I am a good, no scratch that, great catch.  I’m attractive, smart, funny, educated, am knowledgeable about sports, and can cook.  Additionally, I know that there is someone out there for me, and when the time is right, I will meet that person.  What I do not believe is two things, first, that I need to spend any of my time worrying about when and how I’ll meet that person.  Second, I do not believe that I need to be at all concerned that I haven’t found him at this age.  If I was a man, I would be congratulated for all I’ve accomplished thus far in my life and told not to worry about settling down any time soon.  But, because I happen to be woman, people look at me with pity in their eyes when they note my absence of a wedding band or significant other.  Whatever.  Good thing I have the self-esteem not to buy into that.

 

So where am I?  Well, clearly single.  But, I am open to the right relationship.  I spent my 20’s bouncing from relationship to relationship with a number of what I call “pseudo-relationships” in between (more about those later).  About a year ago, I got myself entangled in what I’ll call a situation…I don’t even think this person deserves the title of “pseudo-relationship.”  After I woke up one day and told him not to call me again, I decided I was done not valuing myself and what I bring to a relationship and settling for less than I was worth.  So, for the last year, it’s been a few dates here and there but nothing serious.  My focus has been on finishing up my last year of school and thinking clearly think about what I want and pursue that rather than settling for whatever is offered to me.  I’m looking for a real, meaningful, and lasting relationship.  I can’t play the games that come with dating anymore.  In the meantime, I’m living my life and not worrying about the when and the how.  So stay tuned…I usually have great stories.  Especially since I tend to attract men that don’t know how to stay gone… 

 

~Happy CHICK

Where am I?

Where am I?  That kind of sounds like the question Britney Spears must have been asking herself for the last year.  For me, it’s not about where I am physically or how I ended up living in Boston for two years attending graduate school—it is really about where I am mentally.  Am I ready for love?  That’s the real question. 

I’ve struggled with the idea of falling in love for some time.  Am I too young?  Am I too focused on my career?  Am I too guarded?  Am I too demanding?  

There was a time when I thought I had found the one.  We were together for three years, we moved to the same city to be together, we met the parents, everything.  Then we broke up.  That was one of the toughest decisions I’ve ever made, but I just knew it wasn’t it.  My heart no longer skipped a beat when I saw him.  The passion was gone.  I started thinking about all those big hairy thoughts like how he would fit into my family and if were really a dream team.  He left the toilet seat up and I couldn’t stand it.  We were just headed in two different directions. 

Let’s be honest.  While I may have had a long list of reasons for the break up, I doubted my decision for months.  The relationship wasn’t great, but it was good.  What if I never found another man who adored me in the same way?  Is the toilet seat that big of a deal?  What if I lived the rest of my life single?  Heavy thoughts for a 23-year old.  But, you have to understand—I’m from the south.  My parents got married a month after my mom graduated from college and have been going strong for 33 years.  To my family, I was on the verge of being an old maid.  If I saw the other side of 25 as a single woman, I swear they were going to buy me a cat.  So the break-up decision was even tougher than just separating from my then boyfriend.

My newly discovered single life didn’t start off with a bang.  It took a while for me to be ready for dating.  Then, when I was, there were no men!  I thought the grass was greener and men were going to be lined up for me.  I mean when I was in a relationship I couldn’t go out in public without a man approaching me.  Suddenly, the “this might be a challenge” sign on my forehead was gone and the men stopped coming.

Eventually the tides turned—dates came, but I didn’t find anyone special.  Then, I started to let myself slip into the friends with benefits spiral of death.  Step 1:  Find a guy I’m attracted to.  Step 2:  Hang out with him a little in non-date ways—you know watch football, go out to clubs.  In other words, become his friend.  Step 3:  Hook up.  Step 4:  Keep hooking up.  Step 5:  Wait for him to realize that I’m a great woman who he wants to have a relationship with.  News flash!  Step 5 never happens (at least not to me). 

Well, now I’m almost 27 (and cat-less thankfully!) and finally made a decision.  It was time to date like I was looking for someone who would really be a part of my life.  But, how would I put my new strategy into action?  When should you tell a guy that you want a relationship and not scare him off?  If he does run away scared, was he the guy for me anyway?  I have all these questions and many more.  I’ll let you know how it turns out!

 

~Southern Fried CHICK

Three Chicks, Too Many Dates, One Blog

While sipping margaritas on the shore of Thailand, three women sat around doing what women do when they get together, discussing relationships and love.  Armed with unlimited alcohol, plethora of sunshine, no cell phones and six days, we had more than enough time to delve and dissect each person’s love life.  After talking ad naseum, and laughing uncontrollably at our dating (mis)adventures, we decided to share our respective stories with you. 

Throughout this site, we will share details with you that we haven’t shared with other folks and we look forward to getting your feedback. Warning: this site will be brutally honest, so we have changed the names of the participants to protect the innocent (and more importantly, the guilty).  

Please provide your feedback by posting your comments to our site

-Three Chicks (CHICKlet, Happy CHICK & Southern Fried CHICK)